Part: Whole

This could be taken many ways but I like to break things down. Dancing, singing, explaining long concepts, plans of attack to handle complex problems, crafts, whatever. They all require a critical view of a situation to make a plan or create a way to deal. To me, not approaching life critically and be paradoxically open minded makes me feel lost.

Take this whole breakup/graduate school situation for example. For three years I have been planning on going back to school and moving back East but each time something came up health wise or financially, and it wouldn't work. I started getting the itch to try again but this time my plan of action would include someone else. Before I jumped into thick of things I needed to critically analyze where my life was going, who I was becoming and who/where I wanted and needed to be. Too many other factors and unforeseen pressures had built up to fever pitch. I had to determine if it was time to act or if I should remain on the same course. After a month of praying and thinking and praying again the answer came. It was time to make some tough decisions, a leap of faith, and work toward my purpose.

Since all of this craziness began, I haven't had time to take a step back. I readily admit that part of this frenzy was due to my need to stay busy and not feel overwhelmed by emotions after the break up. It worked for a while but the downside was that memories flooded in while I sat still. By staying busy I was better at tempering the good with the bad more logically and effectively.

Today a left v. right brain test made me stop and think for a moment. I pondered how during the last two months I've tried to reconcile my new path and arduous task of cutting the last ties to my life in LA by ending my most meaningful relationship on the basis of a strong feeling. The results of the test told me that I tend to look at the whole picture instead of its components. I think my issues with life tend to happen when the parts don't work synchroniously and subsequently the whole picture stops fitting together. That impulse to live by approaching things holistically is my thing. It's what I do. I try to get a grand scale view of what needs to happen, break it down into parts and attack the parts simultaneously to move toward the big picture. My impulse to do it all at once is kind of a nightmare for most people. Sometimes it is to me too but that's the way I operate.

Naturally, with my struggles/challenges came blessings. Since the break up, I've been able to refocus my energies on family and friends that I haven't seen or talked to much over the past year. I felt badly for neglecting them after I realized how oblivious I was to the things that were going on with them. Only now do I realize how much catching up I need to do. I'm trying to cover lost ground and be more in tune with their needs. I am thankful to have such a great group of patient, loving people surrounding me.

I've also been able to meet forge fledgling friendships with people at work and in my ward. I've focused on taking care of school business and taking care of my health. It's like a whole new world opened up before me. It's cool to be reminded that there are so many good things that life can offer. It's fun to have new people to experience life with and new places to explore together. With each new interaction comes a confirmation that things are as they were meant to be.